In most of our discussions we mention the importance of being empowered in the now, which comes down to directing your thoughts toward the things that you want in order to build momentum in that direction.
If you have tried this and achieved some level of directed thinking, you will likely have noticed a catch of sorts: It turns out that it is quite a bit easier to have and maintain directed thoughts when you are on your own. Once you start bringing other people into the equation, it gets a fair bit harder to do, and the difficulty increases the more other people you deal with! Now, this work of creating a fulfilling life isn’t about becoming a hermit – we are ultra-social creatures, and we isolate ourselves to our own detriment.
So it seems a solution is needed. Let’s consider how we could go about interacting with others while not sacrificing our own alignment.
Firstly, it is worth remembering that because we are deliberate focusers, we acknowledge the fact that we alone are responsible for our alignment. If you blame someone else for not being in alignment, that blame in itself is an act of giving away your power in the moment. As soon as you give the responsibility of your alignment to someone else, you ascribe to them the ability to direct your focus, and ultimately to determine your happiness. Not only is that evidently not true, it is a convenient excuse that you cannot hide behind if you aim to be a deliberate focuser.
A second thing to remember from our other discussions is that a social interaction often reflects back to us what we’ve got going on on the inside. If you deal with someone from a place of being happy, you are much more likely to have better behaviour reflected to you. Even in the event that your happy attitude is not reciprocated by a particular person, their bad attitude will tend to rock your boat less if you are already in an empowered state. Being empowered enables you to attach less to the state, thought or behaviours of the person that you are interacting with, and that is really the skill behind the scenes that you are practising to master.
Closely related to the concept of the mirror is the aspect of expectation. We often hold expectation of how people interact and deal with us and with others, and that adds a lens to how we perceive any such interactions. This of course can create a situation where, through our expectations, we not only interpret someone’s actions to fit the expected narrative, but our interaction with them can also subtly or not so subtly steer the interaction in the direction of our expected outcome. Changing your perspective can make you focus on the more positive aspects of the person and can also place you in a more aligned state beforehand, so this can be a very useful practice. Practically speaking, this can mean making lists of (or thinking about) positive characteristics of the person before your interaction with them.
Also, you would want to be in a position where you are already in a place of steady alignment before you engage in any planned interaction, especially with people in your life whom you know are a bit more likely to impact your mood and thoughts negatively. If you are rock-solid in your alignment, meaning you do not attach to another’s state of mind, then you can approach your interactions with the confidence that you will not sacrifice your power in the moment to meet someone else’s state of alignment. It may seem quite hard at first, but the more you practise to guard over your alignment, the easier it becomes, and the better you are prepared for the interaction, the easier it is to maintain your alignment for longer periods of time. It’s really about getting alignment-“fit”.
And what is the best way to get into an aligned state? It depends on the individual, but by spending time on a Heart-Fillers activity before your interaction, you can lay the groundwork for your alignment. This is very similar in principle to setting your direction early in the day for a head start on the momentum that you wish to have for the day.
The interesting thing about being in alignment before you head into interactions with people is that you also tend to notice the things less that would normally rock your boat, and that places you in a better position not to engage with it emotionally, i.e. you can more easily practice detachment.
Let’s consider an analogy of an athlete. She is training for a marathon and during the first few sessions of training she does not attempt to do the full distance, as she is training to build up her endurance for the full marathon. Similarly, as you build your fitness to dealing with the world in an aligned state, you may wish to limit your exposure to detracting situations when you just start out with the journey of directed thought. Especially if you know that an interaction with a particular person or in a particular circumstance will usually leave you in a ruffled state, you can be more deliberate with limiting the time spent in that situation, and increase it as your fitness level increases. You can even break the exposure into smaller sessions, where you have time to regain your footing before you return to the situation.
Now you may think to yourself, that all’s good and well, except sometimes you don’t have the luxury of easily limiting the time spent in a situation, e.g. where you are at work and you experience a situation as difficult, or you are having conflict at home. What do you do then? Well, now you are going to have to make even more sure that you show up prepared and with some good momentum going! And in these circumstances, having small moments of practising being present will go a long way to give you those extra little boosts to your alignment. In short, if you have 5 minutes between meetings, spending a minute just taking in the fact that you are here — and if you are religious or spiritual, reminding yourself that you are more than your body — then you may get a moment or two where your focus softens on whatever you are dealing with in the here and now. Look out the window or focus on the trees, anything that can help rein in those thoughts that may be applying force in an unwanted direction, or boost momentum in the positive direction if you have that going already.
The takeaway is that the more you care about and practise maintaining your power in the moment, the easier it becomes, and the more firmly you will stand in your alignment.