Transcript:
If you feel that you’ve been taken advantage of in the past, you may have come across the idea or the advice to put in place proper boundaries. In our discussion today, I want to talk about how the concept of boundaries applies to an aligned person. By aligned I mean that someone has focused in such a way that the perspective of the avatar (that is the mind of the human form) is in agreement with the perspective of the Self (capital letter S, and you can also call it your higher self, or your soul, or your source – the terminology isn’t important). When the 2 aspects or perspectives align, you enter your Inner Peace. It is also in this aligned state that you are truly empowered, because you can make decisions from that broader perspective that the Self provides.
So, in the typical understanding, people put in place boundaries (or look to do so) as a way to protect themselves from people out there who may want to take advantage of them. Normally this need arises after the person had a few (or perhaps many) run-ins where they felt that they were taken advantage of. In that case, do you think that the thoughts around needing to put boundaries in place come more from a place of being empowered or being disempowered? Does this sound more like fear and vulnerability or security and wholeness? Does this feel like it is coming from the place of inner peace or outside of inner peace?
On the face of it, it may sound like both lead to the same place – and these are 2 sides of the same coin, but the two sides amplify different things, as the one is creating from a place of being empowered and standing firmly in that security, and the other is creating from a place of being disempowered and perhaps feeling vulnerable.
The reason that I’m asking which side you’re coming from, is to remind you to determine for yourself whether you are acting from within your state of empowerment or not. Sometimes it can be tricky, as you may think that you are focused on what you want, which in this case may be to be appreciated, valued and respected. But in fact you can be more focused on how you are being taken advantage of and how insecure you feel, and therefore looking for a way to protect yourself.
And to the outside world the outcomes can look the same, which in this instance is a person with boundaries in place. The difference is whether those boundaries arose from vulnerability or wholeness. You may think that boundaries are good either way, so why does it matter where they come from?
If you think back to one of our previous discussions where we talked about how the world around you acts as a mirror to what is going on inside you, then you may look at situations where someone was/is taken advantage of differently. If you think about it, someone who lets others take advantage of them, is someone who probably already feels insecure, or like a victim, and in their attempt to feel better they seek to obtain the approval from those around them. Then they sacrifice themselves, their own happiness, time or dreams to obtain the approval or praise of others. I’m not saying here that you do not want to give some of your time to help someone else, but are you doing it from the place of enjoying to be of assistance or are you doing it to try and compensate for a lack of relationship with Self? Again, which side of the coin do you fall on?
Constructing boundaries from a place of fear does not change how people feel about themselves, and therefore they will still have the underlying feeling of being a victim or wanting external validation which gave rise to the situation in the first place. And if the underlying feelings remain the same, even after putting up boundaries, other situations or people may come into their experience to evoke similar unwanted emotional responses. In this case they still look at themselves as not being enough, while they actually are joyful, powerful creators who came here for the joy of being physical and for the expansion that it brings. But how you think creates your reality.
If the boundaries that someone put in place sufficiently changed how they see themselves, or removed the focus from that insecurity sufficiently, then it can change their future experiences. So it can act as a catalyst for lasting change if their view changes, but often that is not the case.
Having interactions that you wish to change is no different from identifying other experiences or things that you want to add to or remove from your life. In order to remove being taken advantage of from your experience, it is helpful to be discerning in the thoughts that you are having and to be sensitive as to whether your thoughts are compatible with the thoughts that you would have while you are in your Inner Peace. If the unwanted thoughts are recurring, you can see whether you can identify what thought pattern / belief you have active that gives rise to these situations in the first place. Not to put more focus on it, but if you can acknowledge it, then you can more easily identify it when it pops up, and then you can remove focus from that thought, or you can soften the thought pattern every time it shows up, by viewing the circumstances and your life here from the vantage point of the Integrated Self.
By changing the relationship that you have with the subject, you can transform it in a way so that you don’t have to try to plug holes for all the different ways that something unwanted in your inner world may be shown to you, such as through your interactions with others. In other words, if you look at yourself differently, and in resonance with how your Self views you, you don’t see yourself as a victim or needing validation, and your interactions with others will reflect that. You don’t need to look to others to feel whole, secure and worthy.
To summarise what we’ve discussed together here in one sentence – seek resonance with your Inner Peace first, and let the change be shown to you in the reflection that you see in the world around you.